The other day, my wife and oldest daughter (age 9) were huddled privately in our bedroom. I poked my head in to check in and was suddenly met with silence. When I asked what was going on, they told me they were “just talking,” and though they didn’t say it, I picked up on their nonverbal cues, kindly encouraging me to make my exit.
Later, when I followed up, my daughter didn’t offer any details. Instead, she simply said, “Sometimes, I just feel more comfortable talking to Mommy about certain things.”
What?! I’m your father. You can come to me with anything! is what I thought. But instead, I just smiled, said okay, and took a moment to sit with how I was feeling.
I’ve always tried to foster an environment of openness and communication with my daughters, but I also knew this day would come — the day I wouldn’t be the go-to parent for certain conversations. As I debated whether to pry the information out of my wife later, I stopped myself. I realized this is a natural part of growing up, and instead of resisting it, I need to learn how to navigate these moments.
Tips for Handling These Moments
1. Respect It
Everyone feels more comfortable opening up to someone who has firsthand experience with what they’re going through. As a girl dad, I know there will be plenty of things I simply haven’t experienced. While I can offer support, I may not always be the best person to give advice.
Respecting this also means not prying. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned the value of minding my own business. It’s okay if I don’t know everything, and I trust that if something serious was going on, I’d be brought into the loop.
2. Stay Open and Available
I still don’t know what my daughter and wife were talking about that day, but I want my daughter to always know I’m an option — no matter the topic. That means continuing to foster healthy communication and provide non-judgmental responses so that when she does want to come to me, she knows she’ll be met with support.
3. Tap Into Your Emotions
As your kids grow, there will be experiences that remind you they aren’t “daddy’s little girls” forever, and that can be tough. Honestly, I felt tinges of jealousy, sadness, and even a little frustration at not being the “chosen” parent in that moment.
But those feelings are normal. They don’t mean I’m doing something wrong — they just mean my child is growing up, and that’s a good thing.
It’s never easy stepping into a new phase of parenting, especially when it means taking a step back. But instead of seeing these moments as a loss, I’m learning to see them as a shift. As long as I continue to show up, respect her boundaries, and make sure she knows I’m always here, then I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to.
