This morning, I was listening to my local public radio station as I was driving into work. An interview with U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy caught my attention. Murthy, a parent himself, was talking about parental stress as a significant public health issue. As a parent educator, a parent of three adult children, and the grandparent of four growing children his comments certainly resonated with me.
His take is that parenting is hard. Agreed! While he was working on the youth mental health advisory, he began having conversations with parents and recognized that they too were struggling. Data showed 48% of parents reported feeling overwhelming stress on a nearly daily basis.
His concern is that parenting is so hard that parents’ mental health and well-being are being impacted by the daily demands. Parents are spending more time at work and more time with their children than in past decades. I find it hopeful that parents are spending time with their children, but as I often say to parents, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Not having time to rest or recuperate from daily pressures, expectations, and obligations takes a toll on mental health.
How can we respond individually and collectively to support parents and help families create a realistic and sustainable balance in their lives?
The surgeon general’s advisory gives a few suggestions.
- Put policies in place that normalize paid leave, affordable childcare, and reliable mental health supports.
Individually, whether you have experienced the parenting journey or not, you can make a difference.
- Reach out to an overburdened parent and offer support (e.g., offer to run an errand, invite them for dinner, or watch their child while they take a break).
- Get involved with a church youth group or volunteer at a local school. Be that extra adult in a child’s life, so parents aren’t going it alone.
- Show up and check in!
If you are in the parenting phase of life:
- Normalize conversations with other parents about the challenges you are facing. Remember the data said 48% of parents are feeling overwhelmed by stress. You are not alone.
- Stop comparing your life to another family’s life on social media. Comparison is the thief of joy.
- Practice downtime as a family. Model for your children that it is OK to take a rest. I know one mom who gives each of her elementary-age children a couple of “no-ask passes” during each sports season. They don’t have to say why they want to skip a practice, just that they want to use a pass that day providing a time for rest and reset.
- Gather the community. Negotiate times where you can provide childcare for each other, or allow children of all ages to engage in free play together, while you sit one out.
Parenting is hard. I wish the answer to parental well-being was as simple as following the few suggestions in this parenting blog. However, rumor has it, and research shows, that people can do remarkable things together. We all have a part to play.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by parental stress, reach out to your pediatrician, join a CHKD webinar at CHKD.org/Classes, or find a family-friendly event to share with others at MyActiveChild.com. Or watch the following video from our friends at Chesapeake Thrives. This episode focuses on children's health, school age support, and early childhood priority areas.
