In 2024, the U.S. surgeon general issued an advisory on parental stress, identifying it as a significant public health concern and calling for shifts in policies and cultural norms to better support parents. He also recommended expanding programs to help alleviate this stress.
When discussing parental stress, the usual advice is familiar: “Take a break.” “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Though they are well-intentioned, these recommendations don’t always resonate, especially when life as a parent never truly slows down. And even when it does, I’ve realized that “doing nothing” doesn’t work for me. When you’re constantly in motion and conditioned to manage schedules, responsibilities, and never-ending to-do lists, stopping completely can feel unnatural. When I try to do nothing, I feel restless, bored, and unmotivated. Instead, I’ve found that the best way to manage stress is to … add more stress to my life.
That might sound counterintuitive but hear me out.
There are two types of stress: distress is the kind of stress that overwhelms and wears you down, while eustress challenges, motivates, and energizes you. Rather than trying to eliminate stress, I choose to invite the right kind — activities that may make my schedule busier but also more fulfilling.
What Eustress Looks Like for Me
Playing in a volleyball league with my wife twice a week – Even though it means hiring a sitter, driving an hour roundtrip, and sometimes getting home past 11:30 p.m., it’s something we genuinely enjoy. The added stress of making it happen is worth the energy and connection it brings.
Scheduling lunches with friends – I’ve been more intentional about maintaining friendships lately. As men, we know how rare and valuable these connections can be, so I make an effort to schedule monthly lunches with close friends. Yes, it adds to an already packed schedule, but I welcome that stress because it keeps me connected to people who matter.
Volunteering in my community – I also take on the extra work of helping plan events as part of my homeowners’ association social committee. It requires time and effort, but I enjoy seeing the community come together and having the opportunity to meet new people.
Even positive stress comes with its difficulties — it’s still stress, after all. But if it fills your cup, strengthens your relationships, and makes life more enriching, then it’s worth embracing. If doing nothing doesn’t recharge you, consider doing more, but with intention. Seek out activities that challenge and energize you, even if they make life a little more hectic.
